About Attached Dads Toronto

This group is for dads who are interested in discussing how to foster attachment with their children.

Attached dads cut through the clutter of traditionally strict gender roles in order to tend to their children's physical and emotional needs as quickly and thoroughly as possible. We carry, we play, we listen, we talk, we hug, we love.

Many think that attachment just comes naturally. This is often true in the beginning. However, every parent knows how easy it can be to lose one's patience with their kids and to either snap at or ignore them altogether. No parent is perfect and isolated incidents are going to happen. But the more we give in to these rash impulses, the more habitual they become, and the more distance we create.

Especially in this society, we receive messages about how important it is for our children - beginning in infancy, no less - to be "independent." We are sometimes told to let our babies cry, to put our kids in the corner to "figure things out." What we often don't realize is that security now creates independence later. A child who does not feel adequately listened to or cared for is often the child who will act out, become overly clingy, or withdraw emotionally.

There is also the misnomer that strengthening attachment means eschewing discipline, which then is believed to lead to "spoiled" children. Positive and constructive discipline helps secure connectedness and self-esteem. Discipline that terrifies, humiliates, and renders children completely powerless does not.

Maintaining strong attachment can be difficult for fathers. We tend to return to work sooner and be away from our families more often. But this just means that we need to make the most of the time we have with them which will in turn develop a strong mutual trust and respect with our children and partners.

And we need to help each other. Part of the goal of this group is not only to inform but to create networks of support that help us become, and continue to be, committed parents.